Lord M and Victoria
by Downtonfanfix
Summary: Wedding Night


Wedding Night Jitters

I had married Lord M. We had rebelled against all protocol and all sense of duty to be together. However as I stood there shivering in my bed chamber with just a night gown and a robe on waiting for my husband to walk through those doors fear charged through me. I knew tonight I must be vulnerable, vulnerable with William. All my life I had been vulnerable. I was small and physically weak under the control of Conroy and my mother and only through becoming Queen had I gained strength. I had grown used to my power but every moment I spent with William I forgot who I was and became just any other woman with the man she loved. I felt safe yet vulnerable, weak yet protected. Those feelings I often struggled to deal with. In the past I had associated those things with negative things but with William it made me feel loved and cared for which was still all so new to me.

As I continued my wait I paced up and down the room, sitting on the bed, at the vanity twiddling my thumbs as I cursed myself for being so foolish. What a little girl he will think me to be. William being so much older and experienced was both comforting and daunting. I knew he would be kind all I had to do was be brave and submit myself unto him. It wasn't like I didn't want it. I loved him and sometimes when we kissed I dared to think about what would come next. It easier to think about than do it though. Getting lost in each other is easier when you know it won't lead to anything more.

Just as I was thinking this William walks through the doors. He is in a state of undress in a white shirt which shows the hairs at the top of his chest which is tucked into a casual pair of trousers. At this I remember my own state of undress and smile at him looking for a little reassurance in return. He smiles back showing his own discomfort and I know even he is nervous. 'Come, lets sit by the fire' he says. This surprises me a little as I thought he would of just wanted to get right to it. But my smile cant hide my relief at his consideration.

Two seats are by the fire. Lord M takes one and as I am about to take the other. He gestures his hand to his lap asking me to take a seat. I take it almost reluctantly wondering if this was the start of what would happen between us this night. He nuzzles his face into my neck and laughs when he resurfaces. I giggle with him uncertainty written in my actions. He rests his head against my forehead and I giggle some more. 'I'm sorry' I say. Thinking that I must be coming across very immature. ' Don't worry. Its alright to be nervous. I am. Lets just sit here for a while and talk. I won't rush you.' His admittance to being nervous surprised me. Until tonight I thought that he would be completely at ease in such circumstances. I obviously looked thoughtful because William questioned 'What's on your mind?' in response I said ' Its just well... your nervous. I didn't expect that.'

'Victoria, look at me. I love you and that fact is what makes me nervous. I want to make you happy and that is what is important to me. Besides I'm an old man and your yet so young. I just hope you can be happy with me.' His response made me shudder. Before today I knew he loved me of course he did but in that moment I just saw how deeply he truly did care for me. ' William, I am so happy. I don't care how old you are. Sometimes I think you wont be happy with me cause I'm so young. I know nothing and you... well your very... experienced.' I said shyly. 'Please don't worry about that. Just let me lead tonight. Okay?' I nodded biting down on my bottom lip. William pulled me in towards his chest and whispered ' Just relax, it will be okay.' We sat there in front of that fire his arms wrapped around me for several minutes just listening to the crackling of the fire and each others breathing. After a while William leaned down and kissed my lips slowly. He wasn't asking for anything. There was no desperation there. No urgent need just love. Soon after William gently raised me up and said ' Shall we make our way towards the bed?' My hesitancy showed but William once again reassured me ' Don't worry we will just continue like before for the moment. It will just be a little more comfortable.' I smile in agreeing with him.

We both went and lay upon the bed. We lay on our sides facing each other. I had taken off my robe and now just lay in my nightdress. His fingers slowly created a trail down my bare arms as he stared straight at me. He kissed my forehead, then my nose before settling on my mouth. His hand made its way to my hip where he held me as we kissed. It was growing heated and I was breathless. I felt as if I was beginning to lose a little control and it scared me so I withdrew slightly to catch my breath. I rested my head against his as he asked ' Is everything alright?' I didn't quite know how to reply to that. I felt confused, apprehensive and excited. ' I think so' I said. Only after I said it did I realise how pathetic it sounded. However, he didn't seem to think so. ' Just let go. Here you are not Queen you are my wife and I love you. There is no protocol. Between us there is no shame.' he said quietly. He enveloped me in a strong embrace. I nuzzled into his neck seeking comfort in my confusion.

We were kissing again with him atop me this time. It was getting ever so passionate and I could hardly breathe. I could feel my lust for him surfacing and I involuntarily bucked my hips up to his. Red face I apologised. It had been a natural response and I felt ashamed. He must think me wanton. 'Its fine. Its supposed to be this way.' This surprised me indeed. Once again I was giggling in uncertainty. Then William grinded down on me shocking me completely. Through his trousers I could feel his desire. I jumped back a little. Holding himself above me he just said ' See, me too. Don't be embarrassed I want you and I think you want me too.' he said.

'I'm scared' I said hating my own weakness. ' I know but its only me. We'll go as slowly as we need to.' he comforted. ' William?' I said. 'Yes, my love.' I was brave I told myself as I kissed him back ferociously. I broke the kiss saying 'I'm ready. Just lets take our time.' ' Always' he said.

In the end it wasn't as slow as we had said. After only a few more minutes of passionate kissing William was removing his shirt lying back on the bed as I kneeled beside him trailing my fingers through his chest hair bashfully. William then lay me down and kissed down my neck and collar bones before looking at me asking for permission to lower my nightdress and expose my breasts. I knew this would be my biggest hurdle exposing myself to him for the first time. I nodded approval to him not trusting my voice not to crack and reveal my uncertainty. He slipped the garment down not giving me a moment to think as he kissed my breasts sensually. My whole dress was at some point removed as he began touching between my thighs at that place which caused pleasure. Soon I was writhing having forgot my nakedness as his experienced hands worked. When it was time to remove his trousers I felt as ready as I could be to be with him. He stood by the side of the bed and popped the button on his trousers. I didn't know where to look so I looked down not knowing if to stare would be incorrect. ' My love, please look at me. You have shown me your whole self now look at all of me.' In trust I looked up and I knew he too was ready to be with me. Climbing beside me on the bed he asked ' Are you ready, Victoria?' Once again my voice failed me as I nodded. He climbed on top of me once again and placed his fingers between my legs once again. ' I want you, just be careful' I requested. ' Always' he said. Only moments later he thrust into me. Pain rushed through me as William held within me as a tear fell from my cheek. ' I'm sorry my love. It will only hurt this once. I can retreat if you wish?' he said lovingly. 'Please, don't just wait a moment and I will be recovered I'm sure of it.' Before long the pain subsided and I began to feel some pleasure. Eventually William finished rolling off of me. Both of us panting. I began to cry. 'What's wrong? Are you in pain?' he asked in a frenzy. 'No! No! I'm just feeling really overwhelmed.' I said. William pulled me into an embrace as we lay together under the canopy. I felt so connected to him in that moment. I knew I had been vulnerable that night but I knew it was okay to be that way with him. After all he was my husband. In this bed we were not Prime Minister and Queen we were simply husband and wife.

 **THE END**


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